I’ve struggled with doubt in many situations through out my life, but God is changing me. This doubt has often come when I get up in the morning, and sometimes that doubt has made me not want to get out of bed. It’s the kind of doubt that makes you seize up inside, a doub that makes you want to curl up in your bed and not want to face life, not want to face the world.
I have let doubt fill my heart about what others think. I have feared that I would do something that was too bad for Jesus to forgive me, to save me. I have doubted God’s love, even I though I KNOW that He says that His steadfast love ‘endures forever’. Doubt has led me to fearing letting other people down with my human weakness.
BUT. This last year has been a huge heart change of learning to live without that doubt.
Learning to let go of that fear was like prying open clenched fingers, a heart that was always running, powered by fear and letting it go. It was like someone telling me to walk out in faith, into the unknown, knowing that I was not in control and that God is totally sovereign and I must trust Him with my entire life and eternity.
I wasn’t living as the victorious conquering Christian in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t the Christian who has experienced the mighty grace of God. I wasn’t marveling that I was the chief of sinners, who was lost in unbelief, but has now been FOUND, adopted, forgiven, given joy unspeakable and full of glory.
Why did I embrace this fear? Why did I let it control me when the God of the Universe controls me?
Because I needed more faith. I need more faith.
I was driving in the car listening to this song the other day, and I started crying. Because it’s so true. I only have a little faith, and often my doubt has been bigger than my faith. But I have a big God who works faith and gives faith to the people with the smallest tiniest mustard seed of faith.
Mercy Me: Even If
‘They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
A little faith is all I have right now
But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
You’ve been faithful
You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
It is well with my soul.’
The reason that we so often start to fear is because we start believing in man and woman and their ‘power’, but our power is so limited. And it’s only given to us by God. It’s not something that we have in and of ourselves.
The power of God is the power that enabled a normal man like Peter to walk on the water. It was only Peter’s lack of faith, Peter looking at the winds and the waves that made Peter start to sink. It was Peter doubting God’s power that caused him to start to waver.
Doubt is an enemy. And the enemy, Satan, tries to cast doubt into our minds. How do I fight this doubt that threatens to steal joy and trust in my God?
Scripture. Fill your mind with God’s truth. What does God say about His power, His victory, His rich grace, His mercy, His love, His justice, His goodness?
Here are some of the verses that have been anchors for my soul, pointing me back to looking at God instead of gazing at and being overwhelmed by my inadequacy. These verses have taken me to seeing my own weakness and seeing what the power of God can do through a weak person like me.
Spiritual Warfare: James 4:7, ‘Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.’
Tough Trials Where You Can’t See the Light at the End of the Tunnel:
Isaiah 43:2-5, ‘
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.
4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.
5 Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west;’
Psalm 37: 3-7,
‘Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.’
Exodus 14:13-14, ‘And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.’
Reminders of God’s Rich Mercy/Grace
Ephesians 2:4-8, ‘
But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:’
powerful reminders of what TRUE full freedom looks like in Jesus:
”Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:’ (Galatians 3:13)
(I am no longer condemned by the law. Now I’m free to love God’s law and remember that Jesus made it so I could love God’s law and not be afraid of it’s condemnation any longer.)
‘But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.’ (Galatians 4:4-7)
(Adopted. Made a son, a daughter of God.)
Romans 6:1-2, ‘
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?‘
Promises and reminders of God’s FULL Forgiveness. Though He knows exactly the depths of the sin in my heart, He ALWAYS forgives us when we come back to Him in repentance.
‘If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
15 Now mine eyes shall be open, and mine ears attent unto the prayer that is made in this place.’ (2 Chronicles 7:14-15)
‘ Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.’ (Ephesians 4:31-32)
‘ For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.’ (Hebrews 8:12)
Jesus WON the victory on the cross. We don’t just have to cope with life. As one, blood bought by Jesus, I can live victoriously. confidently. always confident in Him.
2 Corinthians 5:6, ‘Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:’
Hebrews 2:14-17, ”
Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham. Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.’
(Jesus became man, both man and God, so He could conquer DEATH. Crush the Devil. Crush sin. Crush Guilt. Crush the enemy and bring us to God!)
2 Corinthians 5:17-21, ‘And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.’
The words that go through my head when I’m struggling with these doubts, doubts about the future, fears about the present, fears about people’s opinions of me, fears of losing things, fears of not having enough.
Life With God.
God is GETTING the Glory.
Made Holy By Jesus’ Blood.
And God gets all the glory, because my human power could do none of this. But Jesus did it all.
And I am a recipient, a debtor to mercy alone. Don’t doubt God’s mercy, because God is God. He’s not a human being. He’s nothing like us. He is faithful when we are unfaithful. He is good, though we have fallen short of His glory. He is merciful, though we can’t sometimes imagine that we could be shown mercy.
Don’t doubt God. You can doubt mankind; because we are imperfect at best. But don’t doubt God. God does wondrous things, wondrous things through men and women throughout the centuries, and some day He is bringing in a new heavens and a new earth wherein will dwell righteousness and HOPE and LIFE forever with Him.
That is my hope. And that’s why I live. This means that I don’t have to entertain doubt. God is bigger than my doubt, than my problems, than my fears.
Whom shall I fear when the God of Angel Armies is on my side?
This lesson has been powerfully playing out in my life over the past 3-4 weeks. It’s been playing out in my freedom around food. I’ve been feeling freer and freer to just eat all the food, eat all the cereal and the donuts and the salad and the fruit without focusing on the food.
I’m going to say something. I think full recovery from those ED centered thoughts is possible, because I believe with God nothing is impossible. God has all the power. If Superman can lift planes out of the sky, God can use ordinary people to CONQUER the fears and the thoughts of an ED. God can part the Red Sea and turn the hearts of people who don’t believe in Jesus to repent and believe in Jesus.
I’m at a place in recovery where I never ever thought I’d be.
I’m going to boast here in God’s power, in the power of Jesus to save.
I wasn’t sure my period would come back as quickly as it did, but it did.
I’ve eaten more ‘junk’ food in the past 3-6 months without guilt.
I’ve thought less about whether food is ‘junk’ food or ‘clean food.’ I view it as just food now.
I love the experience of eating with my family, but eating is no longer nearly as much about calories or calories burned/vs. calories consumed.
I don’t really do exercise that makes my body feel terrible. I exercise less than I used to, but I enjoy it so much more.
Intuitive Exercise is starting to make sense.
Travel is so much more enjoyable and not nearly as terrifying.
Anxiety is about 150% diminished. That is ALL God. All God showing me that I am weak but He is STRONG. He is bigger than every single one of my anxieties, every single one.
I’m saying all of these things NOT so that you can say, ‘Good Job Emily.’ I want to praise God and lift His name high, because He has saved. He has plucked me out of these places.
He has done wondrous things in my heart.
All glory to my God! Thank you Jesus. <3
Have you struggled with doubt before?
How has God enabled you to OVERCOME that doubt and trust Him?