Today’s podcast is something that’s been on my heart a lot in the past 3 months. It’s because it’s an area in which God has given me significant victory in the past 3 months. It’s the topic of clothes. For a long time I held on to size small. I loved my size small, and I was nervous about going above anything over 4-6. I got worried about a size small being tight, because I just don’t like tight clothes. I thought I wasn’t healthy if I wasn’t a size small. I’m our ‘comfort’ girl, who loves comfortable clothes; which has tended to me struggling with not being sloppy, but it also means that I’m not really focused on super form fitting clothing or high heels (cause that’s just not me.)
However, the past 3 months have been a few months of just letting go of that old size. It’s been a time of being ok with getting rid of those clothes that really don’t fit me anymore. For so long I fluctuated sizes and I never really knew what my true size was because most of my puberty was spent in restriction/too much exercise/ and not enough nutrition.
In recovery some of my best friends were …. sweat pants and exercise pants. Why? It’s because they really are forgiving when you’re gaining weight, when you’re changing those sizes, and they take your eyes off of your body, really. They make me stop thinking about the way my clothes make me look, and they enable me to look outwards.
However, in today’s podcast, I want to walk through this process of embracing that new size. I want to encourage you in the Lord that God made us to take CARE of our bodies, not to destroy them. It’s always wrong to kill and destroy our bodies for the sake of being skinny or a ‘diet ideal,’ but it’s sooo hard to get out of that mentality.
I’m 5’3″, and I’m going to tell you what I think my weight is…. It’s around 130(ish) pounds. I’m not a tiny gal, and I love the size that the Lord has given me. I’m healthier and happier than ever before; I’m learning that life is so much more than a workout or an amount of calories. I haven’t weighed myself in a year, so I’m just giving you an ‘estimate’ of what I weigh.
I truly know that Jesus enabled me to have the victory of letting go of that idol. Are there days I still struggle? Yes, but they are so few, now, because Jesus is my king and I am more than a conqueror through Him.
I hope this podcast touches you in a place where you may be struggling or learning, and I would love to hear your feedback on this too.
I shared a passage from Psalm 90 in the podcast, and I thought I would share it here too. Psalm 90:9-10 says, ‘
For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.
10The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yetis their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.’
This is convicting, because I spent a lot of time not even thinking about how size is so irrelevant to the bigger picture of how I have a short time on this earth. And I shouldn’t be spending it worried about my size. YET, God worked an enormous, tremendous, wonderful lesson out of my eating disorder and my worries over size and weight and clothes. So I would not trade those lessons, because they taught me so much about the grace of God to pluck me out of the mire and set my feet on a rock.
Have you ever had to let go of old clothes?
Was it bittersweet to empty out your wardrobe yet freeing at the same time?
Embracing a new size? Did you get more muscular, need to gain weight, gain life, gain health?
Was it hard? How did you deal with it?