Food fears on vacation. I’m still facing them, I realize, but it gets better every time I go on a vacation, especially a long one. They always seem to come back to bite me, and there’s more than one reason for that, so I thought I’d share the full rundown in an episode. I’ll share about the fact that fighting food fears is still a very real thing for me, yet why I’m not giving up on conquering food fears one by one.
Every time I’m facing those things, and it feels like a test, a marker of where I am.
And I’m seeing Him win in my life over my food fears. But it’s an active battle. I saw that every step of this road trip. I really struggle with road trips. I love them because you get to see so many awesome sights and sounds, you get to meet so many people, have so many adventures, experience new foods, stop off at roadside gems, and jam to music in the car.
But then there’s the sitting.
And that’s where my previously more ‘disordered’ thinking comes into play.
‘Oh no. I’ve been sitting for 6 hours. I should not be eating more food since I haven’t been as active as I normally am.’
‘Oh dear. Are my muscles atrophying after all the hard work I did this year?’
It gets crazy up in my brain, and this whole road trip was a process of taking those thoughts captive.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6, ‘ For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not a]carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.’
There is nothing more difficult than this. But there is no battle more worth fighting than this battle. I met someone on this trip who was struggling with not eating enough, and it brought back the reason why I somedays have to force myself to eat, when I don’t want to eat, when the fear comes back to me.
this year was one of the healthiest years of my life, but it wasn’t without struggle.
this trip reminded me that the fight isn’t over.
I was so thankful for my sister on this trip. She was kind and understanding. She knows I struggle. She knows that my brain isn’t as free and easy as hers is around food.
But she helped me, take my eyes off myself, off my worries about some um… ongoing digestion issues, and she helped me enjoy the experience more than I thought I would.
So in this episode I’m talking about:
– The trip, the struggles, the victories
– The reason I struggle the most when I travel
– The complicated digestive issues I have
– The healing I’ve seen this year and why this trip was a marker of progress
– The things I learned on this trip
– Why you need to travel in order to face some of those fears
– Why I still often feel like a hypocrite when I go on a trip with ED recovery
Scripture Passages I mentioned:
Proverbs 3:5-6, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.’
Romans 14:1-4, ‘As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own mastera] that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.’
That’s the fish and chips that my sister and I enjoyed on the last night of our trip to New Zealand. The buttery crispy fried chips, the crispy fries were delicious, but I couldn’t help but think about how ‘fried food’ has so many ‘calories’ because of what diet culture has told me, but instead I had to reframe my thoughts and think, ‘I’m hungry! This is delicious nourishment, all the oil, the fish, the flour, is serving to feed my body.’
And last but not least.
Life is not about food.
I still struggle to remember that.
But this is what it’s really about (Psalm 27) – Psalm 27:4, ‘One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.’
This is something I’m constantly learning. I know it won’t finish tomorrow, but I’m a work in progress. I’m thankful for God’s grace through it all.
Do you ever find yourself still facing food fears?