Lately. Well. I’ve been feeling like a fraud.
I’ve been struggling a lot. with contentment. with joy. with hope. That ‘fraud’ syndrome is kind of real, and I’m struggling with sharing encouraging messages to others when I find my head hanging low so often these days.
I know this is a spiritual battle, so instead of letting myself give into the thoughts of ‘You’re a fraud,’ I want to draw into what God says about me, what God is teaching me.
And yet, here I am on Instagram and my blog sharing about learning to be a happy single, a grateful Christian.
I am grateful. I don’t want this blog post to communicate that I’m not, but there seems to be something deeper, something at the core of me that needs to be addressed.
That’s why I know it’s time to step back again; this has happened many times in my 7-8 years of blogging, but every time it’s been needed and important. It’s humbling for me because I love, enjoy ministering to other people, encouraging other people, but how can you pour into others when you haven’t been drinking enough out of the fount of living waters?
I know my blog friends are not looking for perfection, and I’m not either, but lately I’ve seen emotional ‘crisis’ after crisis come into my emotions, and my heart is seeing that I need to spend more time getting rooted and grounded in God’s Word, not trying to root and ground others when I’m unstable myself.
I know I need a DEEPER knowledge of God’s love to me, MORE love to Christ, more dependence on Him, more ‘casting my cares on Him.’
trust in God’s perfect plan for my life
looking at God’s glory (not my own weakness)
serving others and not myself
studying the Scripture
delight in God’s beauty all around me
I know I don’t need:
lots of ocial media
more movies to drown out my struggles
more people’s approval
That’s where I’m going for a little while. I hope to come back with more podcasts and encouragement from what God teaches me.
Psalm 42:1-6, ‘As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday. Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.’