It’s not vacay time here, but I find myself wishing for one. Now my next question is, ‘How am I going to be content and be so thankful for what I have instead of wishing I was having a vacation?’ This past year I have come to the end of my limitations SOO much more, and I think much of it has to do with my body and mind still healing from ED. This past year I’ve learned far more about finding refreshment in Christ, because I can’t refresh myself.
This week was a good week. There were many moments of refreshment in the middle of a rather challenging new circumstance in our lives. I need to catch you all up about a few things happening here at the S. household.
#1) My grandma came to live with us 2 weeks ago. – This is probably one of the best and hardest things that’s happened to me in the past 5 years. Last year my grandma had a stroke, and she’s been unable to care for herself since then; my aunt cared for her for 5 months, and now we get that privilege of caring for her.
I can’t say I’m a very joyful caretaker. I’m more of a tired caretaker. It’s hard. It’s brought out the worst in me and it’s shown me the depth of the love of God that I so desperately need. It’s shown me that I do get tired, and I do not have limitless energy. It’s showing me that daily refreshment is needed, not just a vacation every 6 months.
It’s showing me that I can’t say ‘Yes’ to everything, and it’s shown me that it’s ok to need SLEEP during the day.
I feel ashamed admitting that especially when I KNOW that Jesus loved me sooo much; why can’t I find caring for my grandma easier? It’s hard:
Emotionally. . .
I’m processing through this with you all, because I would love to know your thoughts about new situations and how to deal with them, especially when it’s outside of your normal giftings, normal area of ‘comfort.’
Here’s the hard part:
#1) Right now I’m still really seeking how to balance life stress with resting and attempting, by God’s grace, to get my period back. – I have to say that it’s been an added life stressor having my grandma here, though I would NOT trade it for her going to a nursing home or assisted living.
I tend to get stressed. really easily. And my family so sweetly knows this, so they’ve been trying to not overload me, which is really sweet, but I feel lame.
I feel like I shouldn’t be here because I am not able to handle all of this.
This is my cry right now.
Psalm 86:3-4, ‘
3 Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.
4 Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.’
This blog is part of my passion, and it often FILLS me up to write to you all. I want to write to you about my own struggles with anxiety and food and exercise and obsession so that I can help you, help you with how God has worked through my failures, worked through my brokenness, tears, and heartache.
And my secret desire for a vacay comes from wanting to write a new book on Body Image, Recovery, Exercise, and Eating, and all the things that God has taught me over the 4 years since I published ‘Beauty in Christ.’
Now let’s get into the week. What were some of my favorite activities, favorite blog posts, and wins from the week?
First of all the very most soul filling restful activity that I did was:
Listening to podcasts especially these ones.
Baking and doing no bake treats like Laura’s Peanut Butter Eggs (which I made into peanut butter cups), Laura’s Rice Krispy Treats with more chocolate and peanut butter!
Making Kat’s SUPERRR good Cinnamon Roll Waffles. – These beauties were so easy and simple to make, and I couldn’t believe the yummy doughy dense texture along with alll the toppings.
Going a fun walk with my husky and my sisters. – Seriously God’s creation is THERAPY for the soul and mind and body. If I’m around the house or inside for too long, I find my mind going down a rabbit hole that’s not good.
And going out into God’s creation seriously renews, restores, refreshes my mind. It makes me think of Psalm 23 and walking beside still waters. He does restore my soul.
Meditating on the amazingness of Easter, of Good Friday, of Jesus coming to save a sinner like me. – When I was little I was a very um… self righteous child, and I still see that self righteousness creeping in every day, but wow. The more I see how I can’t love people, how I react in anger or frustration to hard situations, the more that lustful or prideful thoughts creep in the more I realize how helpless I am without Jesus.
Thank you Jesus!
John 19:30, ‘When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.’
Favorite Blog Posts From the Week:
And…. I read some really good helpful blog posts about food freedom, recovery, some hard but good posts about recovery that I need to share with you so you can read them too:
Cora writes a vulnerable hard post about the Hidden Effects of Being Underweight.
Robyn walks us through accepting our body as it changes over the years.
Cody writes on the Real Life RD about reframing negative thoughts (HELLOO EMILY. Are you listening to her? *talking to myself*) into positive thoughts.
I appreciated so many of Erin’s tips here about how to open up about tough topics. I love to talk, but when it comes to tough topics, I STINK at opening up about them. I love how Erin broke it down by different steps in this post.
Jamie talks about the journey of climbing a mountain. It’s not easy, and it’s messy, but God carries us every step of the way.
And don’t forget this past week’s podcast all about exercise and its pros and cons in recovery.
Tell me: What do you do when you’re tired but a vacay is not the right thing right now?
How do you say, ‘No’ and ‘yes’ and let people know your limitations?
How do you find refreshment?