I thought I could do this alone. But I couldn’t, and that’s when my need for mentorship and friendship really hit me in the face, proverbially speaking.
I like to shoulder through the deepest pain and the hardest things by myself, but I’ve realized I can’t.
Hebrews 3:13, “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
This week, I started to look at some Scriptures about ‘submitting’, and it doesn’t just talk about wives and their husbands, but it also talks about submitting to each other.
I have a hard time submitting to other’s advice, being vulnerable so that others can invest in my life and advise me, reprove me gently, tell me the tough things cause they love me. And I know why that is. It’s a combination of pride, fear, and self-consciousness.
You see. I’ve been a Pastor’s kid for 18 years, almost 19, and I’ve loved it, but I’ve also reacted to certain challenges of being a PK in an unhealthy way.
One year, I sat in the car, heartbroken, feeling left and alone, when a family decided to move on from the church to another church.
The thoughts and feelings in my mind were, ‘Why Lord? I invested so much in this relationship, and now it feels like it’s just being taken away from me.’
That brought me to realize that I had idolized relationships and become so dependent on them that I wasn’t relying or placing my hope in the Lord. I was placing my hope in people, and people are not God. They do fail. God’s promises never fail. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He doesn’t fail.
So how does that affect relationships?
That means that you and I can pour ourselves into relationships, look for deep mentorships and hard conversations and not fear getting hurt because we know that our hope isn’t in those people. It’s in God.
The problem is. I haven’t been living that way at all.
My family is my safe place. They are the people I’ve been around for 26+ years of my life, and they forgive me. over. and over. and over when I’ve offended them.
But I’m scared that when I reach myself out, farther than my comfort zone, when I stop to have the tough conversations with other people outside of my family, I will be hurt.
That’s fear. Not faith.
I can almost hear God’s Word saying to me, ‘Where is your faith?’
Mentorship and friendship are important. God created us not to be alone. God created us to need friendships and not just our family. Look at the healthy people in the Bible who were spiritually healthy. They had friends. They didn’t just stay up on a mountain alone.
Jesus Christ went away to be alone with His Father, and He spent much time mingling among people, loving them, healing them, talking to them.
My heart is fearful of relationships and mentorships after many times that I’ve messed friendships up, but I want to step back out in faith and ask God to help me have the faith to pour into friendships again.
I have had friendships the past 8-10 years, but I’ve almost always kept a part of myself back, never stepping into the deeper water. I’d rather clean your house than have deep hard conversations. I’d rather bathe your dog than sit down and cry and pray together about the deepest darkest secrets that I have. I’d rather help someone do something than asking for a mentorship, but God has shown me just how much I need mentorship.
That’s what this episode is all about (It’s about friendships and mentorships.) I’m doing it with one of my best friends, a girl who has pursued me and many others in friendship, prayed for me, and encouraged me to walk in the light and not in the darkness.
In this episode my lovely friend and I talked about:
– Seeking wisdom and not going it alone
– Talking about the toughest things even when you’re ashamed of your thoughts and deep secrets
– Why you need to seek older mentors
– Cultivating confiding friendships and mentorships
– Seeking mentors takes humility
– Why going it alone becomes toxic and unhealthy
– Social Media or books and movies can become your only source of mentorship if you’re not careful (speaking from experience) .
– How you go about finding mentors and good friends
– Finding the right sources of mentorship, not Instagram or FaceBook
– Why you need different sources of mentorship
Hebrews 3:13, ‘But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.’
A Good Book to Go Through with A Mentor: Adorned by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
Mentorship: do you have good mentors in your life?