The process of stripping off the bad habits and sins incurred over years of idolizing food is not something that happens in a night, or even a day, or a year.
I’ve finally decided, by God’s grace, to address the issue in my own life. When you write a book about recovery from eating disorders, it brings up painful reminders of your own struggles and the fact that you need to deal with your own struggles, before being able to help others and encourage others in recovery.
So many people try to just treat the problem, the issue at the surface. They band-aid the eating disorder, with ‘self-esteem’ talk. They fail to see that the problem with these women is not the lack of self-esteem, but that they love themselves too much, and that they can’t see past their own problems.
As I have struggled with my body and my eating, I can only say that my biggest struggle has been my obsession with myself, my body, and my eating.
What is the solution to all this? The solution is Christ. My identity is in Christ. To worship Christ is what makes me full, not empty. To worship Christ, is what keeps me from returning to bad habits and continues stripping away my idolatry.
The world will always offer a bandaid, but God offers the ultimate healing. He offers forgiveness of our sins when we confess our sins, and He pours out love that we do not deserve, so that we may no longer be insecure but firmly founded on the Rock of our Salvation.
How does this look in concrete form for me?
I’m not a naturally OCD person, but there are sins and idols in my life that I need to purge, completely out of my life. Oftentimes, it’s half-hearted when we have to get rid of our idols, even when we realize that our idols are only hurting and draining us. But the only way to get rid of rotting garbage is to take all of it out, clean out the garbage can, and put in a new trash bag.
It’s RADICAL. It’s amputation. And it hurts, but it also makes us so much happier.
For a long time, I’ve loved running, especially as an escape from food or to burn extra calories, and this has been part of my unhealthy obsession with food and exercise. So that had to go away for a few months so I can focus on more important things.
Things I’m still afraid of that I want to purge out:
Eating too much Sugar
Being in new places that throw off my eating patterns and exercise patterns
So I pray that God would help me to amputate this sin so that the full road of healing and change can begin. I can’t wait. I’m scared, but I’m ready to move on from this, to ascend other mountains, and leave this valley behind. God is faithful, and I trust Him to redeem and to remake the years I have wasted.