My trip to Europe last year. I should say, ‘our sister’s trip to Europe’, was the trip that really revealed to me how much I had hurt my sisters with my own idols of food and exercise. They came out big and ugly, and I could not avoid looking at them. God knew that it was the right time to bring them to the surface, and it HURT.
This is a heavy subject, but when you hurt someone with your struggles with an ED, it’s hard to come back from; in fact I think it’s impossible without Jesus. There has to be so much forgiveness, so much openness, so much healing of old wounds, and I’m still on that trail with one of the people dearest to me.
You see. I spent many years being really judgmental of my sisters and the foods they ate or didn’t eat. I felt really superior in a BAD way, (feeling superior is never good), and I thought I was super ‘healthy.’
But my mindset was so unhealthy. And I didn’t realize how much I was digging the heels of my ED into my family.
They bore through a lot of it, and they bore it with so much compassion.
It’s amazing how the people that love you most can shower the love of Jesus on you like never before, because my sisters have stood by me, have lifted me up in prayer, have talked me through things, have given me the tough words I needed to hear in so many cases, and they have not abandoned me.
It makes me think of Peter asking Jesus how much he was called to forgive in Matthew 18:21, ‘Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?’
I love Jesus’ reply. He basically gets at the fact that forgiveness if you’ve been forgiven is that natural result of being forgiven.
I often feel like I can’t be forgiven, but I know that’s NOT true. God HAS cast all my sins into the depths of the sea because of Jesus carrying my weight, my burden on the cross, and my family is that vessel of God’s forgiveness to me.
I know that there can be so much hurt, but I have to say that healing is possible. God has provided so much healing I could have never even imagined or comprehended, but I am here to say that it’s possible, and I think that my sister relationships are even better and deeper than they were before my ED.
Thank you to Kelsey last week for especially sharing her story of how her husband was willing to walk that hard road with her. It made me think of all those special people who have stuck so close beside us in the recovery journey.
If you’ve struggled with an ED did you found that those closest to you were hurt and how have you seen those relationships heal as you heal?