This whole year. I admit. I’ve been feeling restless, really restless, and when my 26th birthday hit about 3 weeks ago, that restlessness heightened. My passion isn’t 100% in the body image, eating disorder recovery camp any more, and so I’m wondering, praying about what’s next. I still very much love to write, but I know this blog is going to go a different direction.
To be honest, I’m restless. I’m restless, and I’m wishing for the next season. I haven’t been content, and tonight I’m stepping back to think about and be thankful for all the moments that I have missed by longing for the next season.
I read this post by Megan tonight, and it really struck me with so much conviction, that contentment and joy doesn’t come from the ‘next thing.’ It comes from being grateful, being so happy for the place God has me in right now.
I’m thankful tonight for:
moments of deep laughter in our pool with my sister
gorgeous summer flowers
multiple Sonic ice cream cones
a crazy 14er hike of Mt. Evans and Mt. Bierstadt that included my first ‘rock climbing’ experience
MY SISTERRRR getting marrieddd to the love of her life and seeing Jesus Christ being glorified in their marriage
praying in the park with friends
many parties, times of talking late into the night
lots of rain storms and gorgeous rainbows
I’m challenging myself to learn contentment, to trust God. My dad asked me the other day, ‘Are you discontent?’ The question stung because I knew the answer deep down.
There may be restlessness in my heart. There may be desires I have, but I’m deeply hungering after delighting in God, learning to serve again with joy where I am. It’s been a huge battle. I’ve felt the tugging in my heart to just run away from the discomfort.
Lord, help me to be content.
This article from Desiring God hit the core of my restlessness. No person. No thing. No experience can fulfill my longing, restless heart like Jesus Christ can, the fountain of living waters.
This is the God who made the mountains.
He knows my heart. He knows the secret stirrings of my heart and longings, and I wrote this poem because just this week, I tried to ‘get ahead of God.’ But you all. Nobody can frustrate God’s plans. God’s plans are perfect. God knows what He’s doing. He knows the plans He has for me, and I have not been living like He does. I have been thinking, frantically running around in my mind, trying to match myself up with my ‘perfect match.’ I’ve let myself like people without truly giving it to the Lord and asking Him to take my restlessness and channel it into a restless heart after Him.
This is the God who delights in me because I’m His child.
Psalm 18:16-19, ‘He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay. He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.’
Right now, I’m still saying. I’m struggling to swim, but God is holding me. He is holding me closer and drawing me closer to Him. I’ve always been a bit of a um… turbulent person, but this whole experience is training me that the Only One who can still my turbulent, disappointed, impatient heart is my Lord Jesus Christ.
Who’s in this with me?
Who’s in the battle for contentment, for filling your mind with God’s truth, for being SOOO happy in Jesus (and not in stuff, romance, books, movies) with me?
I’m praying that the restlessness will only be satisfied in my Lord.