I love the mountains. Period. I just see so much stillness; they calm my heart so much to be out in God’s creation among the aspen trees, hearing the birds chirping, breathing that crisp mountain air. It makes me think of how God formed the mountains by just speaking. Can you wrap your head around that? Isn’t it awesome.
Mountains are wonderful. I’ve gone up to them many times, many times when I was still frozen with anxiety and fear over food, frozen with paralyzing fear that I was being taken out of my routine and that I had to find something ‘safe to eat.’
This time was a defining trip to the mountains for me. About 2 weeks ago, we went up into the mountains. I wasn’t anxious. I didn’t have that pit in the bottom of my stomach thinking about and planning all the foods I was going to eat.
I was able to get up in the morning and treasure that morning sunshine. I was able to get up in the morning and soak in the morning sunshine instead of being worried about what I was going to eat for breakfast.
Did I never let a thought of anxiety over food cross my mind? Well I need to be 100% honest. I still had those thoughts, but they didn’t last very long.
Those Indications of Recovery in the Mountains that Showed Me How Far God Has Brought Me?
I had soft serve when it sounded good.
I didn’t run for 3 days, and I didn’t feel anxious about it.
I didn’t really ‘officially’ work out instead of a short abs workout, and I didn’t think about how I NEEDED to work out.
Sarah wrote this post this week, and it made me think. Eating up there in the mountains felt um… normal. It made me rejoice! It made me feel free, like I could skip down the mountain after the weekend and not think, ‘I need to clean up my diet after this. I need to eat less sweets or sugar or salt.’
An Excerpt from Sarah’s Post about Normal Eating Hit Me So Hard (I’m getting more to this place again slowly but surely)
‘To me, normal eating is…
Eating regular meals and snacks to fuel me for the day. I know how badly I feel if my blood sugar gets too low or I get too hungry.
Eating when I’m not hungry sometimes (and being okay with it). Eating past fullness at times, too. All of that is okay.
Being flexible with food choices. While I may have packed my lunch, being sporadic and being able to go out with coworkers shows flexibility.
NOT looking at a restaurant menu ahead of time and ordering what you want in the moment
Pushing calories aside and focusing on enjoyment and meal satisfaction. If this helps you, know that nutrition labels can often be 20% OFF anyway, so often times, when counting calories, you’re never going to be accurate anyway.
Not basing my food choices off of others, or what I ate yesterday. It’s okay to eat dessert two nights in a row, or five, or whatever.’
Normal eating was something I did for the first 14 years of my life, and now I know what it feels like again; it feels good.
There is so much more to life than eating disorders.
There are flowers and puppies and running and rest and hammocks and pools and water and sunscreen.
There is soft serve ice cream, pizza, Cheez-its, chips, chocolate, and salad.
Don’t let the devil, who is always trying to lie to us, trick you into thinking that Jesus Christ can not set you free. Because that is why Jesus Christ came. He came to set prisoners free. He came to set us free from these idols, to live that life for Him that is SOOO full of joy, so devoid of worry over food, over your waist size, over the number on the scale, or how your workout schedule compares to someone else’s.
3 days in the mountains taught me so much; it taught me that worry never does anything, but joy and thankfulness do MOUNDS of good for the soul.
3 days in the mountains taught me that there is beauty in getting up early to just soak up the sunrise and resting by the hottub, soaking your tired feet in the pool.
3 days in the mountains taught me the value of laughter and friendship over worry over food or diet talk.
3 days in the mountains taught me the treasure of being a flexible eater instead of a rigid eater.
I wish I could tell you all how WORTH it recovery is, but I just want to keep sharing with you all about why it’s worth it, why it’s worth fighting for, and how time will tell just how much each step of freedom in recovery is worth it.
Have you had trips that have shown you how far you’ve come in recovery?