Someone said something along the lines of this to me the other day. ‘You normally seem like a very decisive person, but why are you indecisive about this? You seem to be going back and forth on this.’ That’s because I hate uncertainty and facing my fear even when things aren’t 100% clear or even 50% clear. This is especially true when it comes to getting to know someone for the purpose of seeing whether or not you want to marry each other.
That’s what is still holding me back. The uncertainty of not knowing is killing me.
The Lord has helped me conquer so much fear of many things from gaining weight because I ‘feel fat’ to the fear of what people would think of my ‘skills’ in sports.
But there’s one large fear that still looms in front of me, and last year I completely failed to conquer it.
I was trusting too much in myself. I shouldn’t be trusting in me at all.
But I was.
And I failed me.