Freedom From Idolatry of Body and Food
Strength training. I love it. And I need to do it more.
I used to be a total cardio junkie because it burned so many calories. I would run more just because I needed to know that I had ‘burnt enough’ calories. I needed to do a TOUGH workout, so I could feel like I actually did something.
I defined my identity by cardio. I thought it would make me thin and beautiful.
I would watch the people who could run miles and miles, and I wanted to do that.
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Words are such a HUGE part of our lives. It’s amazing that God gave us His written Word, and that means that words mean something. That’s why I’m sharing the amazing importance of words that can hurt, heal, kill, or give life especially to someone with an ED. (I’m re-sharing this post from 2016, because it’s a topic that’s so important as you or I walk with those who are in recovery)
One of the #1 factors that I’ve observed from many stories of hurting girls who have struggled with eating disorders and wanting to make their bodies look ‘just perfect’ is the power of the word to hurt. It is by far not true that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”.
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I’m resharing this post, because this reminds me WHY I love recovery and why I don’t ever want to go back to being the girl who was chained in an eating disorder. Some days I still want that ‘control’ again, but this is a reminder to you and myself that recovery is worth it.
This is back in Uganda almost 4 years ago. I was still really struggling with body image then; it was tough. I remember smiling a lot in my pictures, but I was constantly body checking in my mind. I was constantly eating at night because I was SOOO hungry. I was homesick, so that threw my emotions for a loop. But in the midst of ALL that God was and is still good to me. His faithfulness and steadfast love rested on me in a way I could have never expected. Why am I writing this? I’m sharing this, because back then I still desperately wanted to be skinny.
Skinny wasn’t the way I was created. Some people are created that way. Some people have naturally thin body builds, and I love that and understand that. However that’s just not me. It wasn’t me from when I was born at 9.5 pounds, and it’s not me now at 5’3″ (almost) and I have no idea what weight. Yet for a long time I wanted to be skinny.
I relished the feeling of control.
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Icecream. It’s a major fear food for those struggling with eating disorders. To a normal person with a normal diet, it might not be a big deal, but when you start to see certain foods as ‘enemies’ and other foods as ‘not enemies’ ice cream becomes one of the enemies.
It was a major fear food for me, and I still struggle at times with people serving me ice cream, especially because I can’t ‘control’ how much I eat. Now, I have it at least once a day, and I love the freedom of being able to have that icecream without worrying about the calories.
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