I was thinking about ice-cream tonight, and so I thought I would share a photo of some fro-yo before diving into today’s post. 🙂
That dreaded phrase. ‘I need to gain weight.’ For today’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’, I’m going to touch on why I gained weight and why it was so important for my health, mind, body, and soul. (Please remember that this is my personal experience and not to be used as medical advice in place of consulting your own doctor or care provider!)
I didn’t realize that this would ever be said to me until my dad confronted me, gently, with this phrase about 4 years ago.
The phrase was terrifying to me at first. It was something that I dreaded, but I knew that it was inevitable.
It was really a journey in trust. It was a journey of learning to stop wanting to control every part of what I ate and drank. It was a journey of not being bound to the scale, but instead, listening to, and honoring the hunger signals God gave my body.
We live in a world, where the focus is all on quick fixes. I liked those quick fixes for a long time, but I finally realized that those quick fixes, whether it was to lose weight or gain weight didn’t work. I needed a long-term solution, a long term vision.
And that’s when I just began to eat. I knew that eating = gained weight, and it scared me, but I knew that there was no other option. Now, I’m not sharing this as medical advice for any other people, but it did work for me.
It was a freeing and scary experience, all at the same time. I was able to eat without hopping on the scale every other hour. There is such freedom, now, in knowing that the scale never will and never has defined who I am in Christ Jesus my Lord.
Eating and gaining weight at the beginning was not that hard, because I was honestly, very hungry, all the time. However, it got harder, when I got past what people called the ‘ideal weight’ for my size. I got scared. Even though my body wasn’t operating 100% right yet, I wanted to stop and continue the mindstyle of ‘dieting’ instead of finding an actual ‘diet’/lifestyle of eating that would work for me.
The hardest part since then was not hopping back on the scale after I was weight restored. Each day, I had to battle with my mind, and it was SO GOOD when my parents actually took the scale. They knew that it was a stumbling block for me, so they hid it, and God moved in my heart, that this was the time, the time to smash this idol like never before.
The idol crushing kept going, until I now look at that idol of the numbers and the food and the exercise and wonder what happened to it. He who has begun that good work will surely complete it in me, and I want to share with you that ‘Recovery is WORTH IT!’
So much has changed since then, because I don’t feel bound to the scale or the number anymore, by the GRACE of God! Do I never struggle anymore? No. There are constantly points where the Devil tries to bring those fiery darts back at me, but God is giving me more and more strength each day to fight back.
The Christian life is a journey. The journey to recovery is not easily won, but it is a road well worth taking. There really is nothing truly like knowing that in Him I can lie down peace and safety knowing that a number doesn’t define me, even though I had to gain weight, and neither does the food I eat. This psalm truly shares the cry of my heart tonight and all that I’ve learned and am learning about recovery.
Psalm 4: 7-8, “Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.”
Since I’m meditating on the grace of God tonight, I want to share a verse from one of my very favorite hymns. Until I had recovered from eating disordered issues I don’t know if I fully realized just how much the grace of God has saved me from and brought me to:
‘Amazing Grace, how sweet the Sound!
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found.
Was blind but now I see.’
Have you ever had to gain weight for a reason? Was it easy or hard for you?