Let’s get it out here on the table. I have not had an ideal month when it comes to recovery. Before this month, I really was in a huge place of victory, and I thank God for that! Yet this month has been a month of humbling. It’s been hard. Recovery took a hard turn this month. Why do I say that?
Recovery while traveling is a DOUBLE whammy of hard.
2 Corinthians 12:9 has become even more real to me this month, ‘And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’
His grace is sufficient, and I realized my weakness in a big way this past month. That turn in recovery seemed like it was for the worst, but really…. it was a good lesson. I struggled this month mainly because of my digestion. At home my digestion has a routine. It has a pretty happy routine, but when you take my digestion on a 5 week long trip, you know it’s not going to be as easy as it is at home.
I don’t really really want to be skinny anymore. In fact, I don’t think that crosses my mind very often, but I do struggle with the idea of how my digestion will be affected especially by travel.
That hard turn does not mean that I completely failed. It doesn’t mean that Jesus does not have the victory. It was just a step back, a fall in the mud, but Jesus is picking me up. He is showing me that it’s OK to eat, that I need some more mental healing and confession of sin to go on in my life over this idol, but it’s not impossible.
I have eaten so much good food this month, but there have been days I restricted because I was afraid for my digestion. I’m not happy or pleased with that, but I know that this hard turn is teaching me, that I do NOT want to go back to that ED. I do not want to return to that restriction. I do not want that to be my life here on this earth.
So. . . I’m going to get home, Lord willing, on Thursday and hope to trust God completely with my eating, learning to trust Him more and more and more everyday.
What have been some of these yummy eats that I’ve been nomming on in the last week in Europe?
Eggs and Sourdough Bread with Pizza Sauce. – I forgot how much I loved fluffy scrambled eggs until we had to use some eggs up on Sunday morning, and I made this toast.
Creamy Cheese and Buttery Crackers. – These crackers were almost a mix between a ritz cracker and a saltine. And this cheese is like the creamiest Swiss cheese you’ve ever eaten.
The last icecream cone hurrah in Frankfurt, Germany. – I’m not saying I’m not having any more icecream, but I wanted to go to a ‘gelateria’ as they call them here and enjoy one last cone in Europe.
Scraping Out a Peanut Butter Jar with A Banana and Granola. – Peanut butter is not nearly as popular here, but when you find a jar for a good deal, you buy it and then proceed to eat it in 2 days with your sisters.
Yogurt Cups – They have INCREDIBLE peach jam here. It literally has chunks of peaches in it, and it tastes so good on top of a yogurt cup with granola.
APPLES! – These may officially be my favorite car fruit to snack on because they are so easy to eat. You don’t have to throw away the peel like a banana or the peels that oranges have. However, I really love those fruits too.
Yogurt Bowls with Pretzels (I know that’s odd), peanuts, and jam. – They have these really doughy pretzels here, and if you get them somewhat fresh they’re even better! They add a really fun doughy texture to your yogurt bowl.
And that’s that. Right now I’m watching the sun rise for the second to last morning in Europe, and I’m getting all excited (that bubbly feeling ya know?) inside to go home. However I want to savor this last day before getting back to real life.
I wanted to leave you with some good posts/resources when recovery is taking that hard turn, and you need encouragement to keep fighting:
Haley’s Post: Looking Beyond the Nutrition Facts
Robyn’s Post: How to Overcome Food Comparison