It has taken me a LONG time to appreciate the way God made me, but recovery has taught me so much about the intricacy and the complexity of the body God has given each of us. For about 10 years, I couldn’t see myself as Jesus sees me, as the love of God in Christ sees me despite all my wrinkles and flaws and sin issues that I have. All I could see is what I saw on the outside and what I wanted on the outside, and the two didn’t compute. I hated mirrors, because I would just stand in front of them and criticize what I saw. Why? I was basing my beauty on what the world says or what the culture defines as beauty. And that’s a VERRYYY narrow slot. God made variety. He loves variety. He makes trees and flowers and animals of all different sizes, shapes, colors, personalities, and if you just take a glance around you at God’s created people and creatures you will see that not one person is alike.
Now I love the way God made me. I love the way Jesus sees me, because it blows me away. It’s something I can’t logically explain to you. I wouldn’t say ‘I adore my body’, because i don’t, but I love how God made me unique just like He made every single person who reads this unique and different.
That’s why I love the ‘Health At Every Size Movement.’ Why? It promotes being healthy at different sizes. You don’t have to look like the typical athletic person that comes into your mind when you think ‘healthy’ or fit.
I noticed this when I went to CrossFit the other day. There were so many different people there. People who were taller and shorter than me. People who were all different shapes, and I didn’t think about all our different shapes. I was just amazed at the:
From everybody, and those have nothing to do with looks.
Last night we were reading John 16 as a family, and something that struck me and wrapped me up in a warmth, wonder, and awe was this verse from John 16:27, ‘No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. ‘
Think about the love of God the Father to send His Son Jesus down to earth for people who are weak and didn’t even want Him to save them. I didn’t want Him to save me before He drew me. But then He drew me by that love. It’s that love that isn’t conditional on what you look like, how successful you are, how tall you are, how much money you make, or how many blog views you get. It’s that love that looked past all the ugliness of sin and said that He would deliver His only Beloved Son for sinners.
This makes my heart sing. How could He love me? Why?
Me with all the brokenness of my past?
Me with all the anger and jealousy over not having a body that I so desperately wanted?
Me who had courted a HUGE sense of pride over my ‘athleticism’ which was really an unhealthy obsession with exercise?
Me who has spent YEARS focused on my outward appearance?
Me who has based beauty and worth on outward appearances of myself and others?
Me who has selfishly coveted other people’s bodies?
Why me Lord? And I can’t tell you why. I do know that it gives Him so much glory, because it’s not anything in me that could have ever merited His love. That’s what has caused me to love the way God made me, to spend less time in front of the mirror, to meditate more on the love of God that was unconditional on anything you or I could do.
It’s worth gaining that weight that makes you feel:
Soft and Healthy
Alive and Optimistic
Not Constantly Hungry but Nourished
I have to say that the years of gaining weight were HARD. I hated the scale. I hated most of my clothing, but Jesus kept taking my eyes and directing them back towards Him, because He is my worth. My size isn’t my worth. His blood and righteousness. His mercy and grace. His fullness and joy are my worth and the reason I can smile every day.
My size is going to change. It’s going to change and fluctuate my whole life, but Jesus doesn’t change.
I want you to know:
Seeing Yourself the way Jesus sees us When He Draws Us is THE GREATEST treasure of recovery. – It takes away the pressure of having to look a certain way or have a certain fitness routine that fits in with other people.
It takes time. It takes heart work. It takes reading about Jesus and knowing His love in a deeper fuller way, but it is worth every single moment of work, every single step.
How have you come to see yourself as Jesus sees you?
Is it hard for you to see yourself as Jesus sees you? How do you usually view the body you have?