I’m resharing this post, because this reminds me WHY I love recovery and why I don’t ever want to go back to being the girl who was chained in an eating disorder. Some days I still want that ‘control’ again, but this is a reminder to you and myself that recovery is worth it.
This is back in Uganda almost 4 years ago. I was still really struggling with body image then; it was tough. I remember smiling a lot in my pictures, but I was constantly body checking in my mind. I was constantly eating at night because I was SOOO hungry. I was homesick, so that threw my emotions for a loop. But in the midst of ALL that God was and is still good to me. His faithfulness and steadfast love rested on me in a way I could have never expected. Why am I writing this? I’m sharing this, because back then I still desperately wanted to be skinny.
Skinny wasn’t the way I was created. Some people are created that way. Some people have naturally thin body builds, and I love that and understand that. However that’s just not me. It wasn’t me from when I was born at 9.5 pounds, and it’s not me now at 5’3″ (almost) and I have no idea what weight. Yet for a long time I wanted to be skinny.
I relished the feeling of control.