Freedom From Idolatry of Body and Food
Strength training. I love it. And I need to do it more.
I used to be a total cardio junkie because it burned so many calories. I would run more just because I needed to know that I had ‘burnt enough’ calories. I needed to do a TOUGH workout, so I could feel like I actually did something.
I defined my identity by cardio. I thought it would make me thin and beautiful.
I would watch the people who could run miles and miles, and I wanted to do that.
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I love to eat different kinds of food. I’m not a ‘carnivore’ or vegetarian. I’m not a vegan or gluten free (because I don’t need to be). I’m not someone who just likes donuts or just salads. I love veggies with butter or oil. I love a good bowl of icecream with peanut butter and chocolate sauce or a bowl of yogurt with granola and fruit.
I LOVE veggies. I don’t ever want to give the impression that I don’t, and I also love ways of making veggies fun; I love roasting veggies in TONS of oil, cheese, balsamic vinegar, and spices. Oil and butter used to be two major fear foods for me, but now they make me excited about eating veggies.
I also love a good salad. I’m not of the opinion that you HAVE to have meat to have a good meal, but I love a good burger or yummy roasted chicken.
However, on the daily for lunch or breakfast, I don’t normally have meat unless it’s leftover (it’s just not a personal huge craving of mine.)
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I’m resharing this post, because this reminds me WHY I love recovery and why I don’t ever want to go back to being the girl who was chained in an eating disorder. Some days I still want that ‘control’ again, but this is a reminder to you and myself that recovery is worth it.
This is back in Uganda almost 4 years ago. I was still really struggling with body image then; it was tough. I remember smiling a lot in my pictures, but I was constantly body checking in my mind. I was constantly eating at night because I was SOOO hungry. I was homesick, so that threw my emotions for a loop. But in the midst of ALL that God was and is still good to me. His faithfulness and steadfast love rested on me in a way I could have never expected. Why am I writing this? I’m sharing this, because back then I still desperately wanted to be skinny.
Skinny wasn’t the way I was created. Some people are created that way. Some people have naturally thin body builds, and I love that and understand that. However that’s just not me. It wasn’t me from when I was born at 9.5 pounds, and it’s not me now at 5’3″ (almost) and I have no idea what weight. Yet for a long time I wanted to be skinny.
I relished the feeling of control.
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I still have fear foods and fear food situations. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m completely comfortable around food. I am not GOOD at getting out of my comfort zone. I love to stay with my comfortable foods, my comfortable places, but I KNOW that faith is stepping out of the boat and trusting Jesus who is the master of the waves and the winds.
I look at those foods, and they are those winds and waves. I know that I can get out and start attacking them because Jesus can and does give me the strength to overcome. That’s why I decided to go into a short podcast with you all to share some of my strategies for attacking fear foods/fear food situations one by one and overcoming them.
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