I’ve struggled with doubt in many situations through out my life, but God is changing me. This doubt has often come when I get up in the morning, and sometimes that doubt has made me not want to get out of bed. It’s the kind of doubt that makes you seize up inside, a doub that makes you want to curl up in your bed and not want to face life, not want to face the world.
I have let doubt fill my heart about what others think. I have feared that I would do something that was too bad for Jesus to forgive me, to save me. I have doubted God’s love, even I though I KNOW that He says that His steadfast love ‘endures forever’. Doubt has led me to fearing letting other people down with my human weakness.
BUT. This last year has been a huge heart change of learning to live without that doubt.
Learning to let go of that fear was like prying open clenched fingers, a heart that was always running, powered by fear and letting it go. It was like someone telling me to walk out in faith, into the unknown, knowing that I was not in control and that God is totally sovereign and I must trust Him with my entire life and eternity.
I wasn’t living as the victorious conquering Christian in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t the Christian who has experienced the mighty grace of God. I wasn’t marveling that I was the chief of sinners, who was lost in unbelief, but has now been FOUND, adopted, forgiven, given joy unspeakable and full of glory.
Why did I embrace this fear? Why did I let it control me when the God of the Universe controls me?