This is my story.
It’s been about 10 years. I was 14 years old when we got our first stationary bike, our first piece of exercise equipment. I was already an active child. I loved being outside. I loved playing outside with my sisters, playing make believe, going for a mile walk around the block, but I never thought about it as ‘exercise.’ I just did it because I loved it. I didn’t associate the calories burnt with the calories needed, but that year, over 10 years ago now, was when my mindset shifted.
These were the hardest 10 years of my life. There have been so many tears, nights of depression, nights of darkness, hard heartedness to my own issues, nights of feeling abandoned, and nights of almost complete hopelessness.
Yet this morning I was listening to a sermon on the verse Joel 2:25, ‘And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.’
God has restored those years. The locusts ate up a lot of my teen years with anxiety, fear, obsession, exercise addiction, days filled with counting calories, multiple weigh-ins, always feeling insecure in my own clothing, and not wanting to eat around other people because of the fear that I had around food.
It’s amazing to me that I’m still here. It’s amazing to me that I have more hope, that God has set me more on fire for sharing the message of how Jesus heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, than ever before.
I look at the picture above, and I almost can’t believe that that’s me at 15 years old. That’s me. smiling. feeling like I was in control, but I wasn’t.
God preserved me. He healed me. He delivered me out of all my fears.
2008 – I started running almost 10 years ago now, and I don’t know if I started for the right reason. – I thought of it as a way to burn calories, to be an impressive athlete, to ‘prove’ myself, and to be ‘good enough.’
I remember that I never felt like I could find the right kind of clothes, because I wasn’t secure in God’s love for me, God’s mercy on me, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for my own life.
Years. Sometimes I look back, and I just want to cry over the 10 years that I feel like I wasted, but God knows that they were not wasted.
2014 – I want to cry over the time I went to Africa, and I was still tortured in my mind about my weight. I would sneak in and weigh myself on the scale, just to make sure I wasn’t gaining weight.
I want to tell you from my story that:
Recovery is Possible.
Finding Security and Complete Fulfillment in God’s Love for You Is POSSIBLE THROUGH HIS POWER, the Assurance of the Holy Spirit!
Romans 8:16, ‘The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:’
Regaining Your Period Is Possible (I Don’t Fully Have a Regular Period Back Yet, but… I have had more periods in the past year than i had had in the past 9 years)
Being Okay With A NEW Size is Possible
I’m still in this recovery journey. I’m still learning, and that’s what my podcast is about. I don’t NEVER struggle with anxiety over food, and I still subconsciously count calories, but I AM HOPEFUL knowing that the Lord has restored so many things, so many things I never thought possible.
I had terrible relationships especially with some of my sisters over food, because I was so control freakish about food, but God restored those, and He is restoring those.
I was always really secretive about my calorie counting and my obsession over my weight, but the more and more Gd has brought me out of the darkness the more He’s enabled me to confess my struggles with addiction and wanting to overcome them through Jesus.
Never would I ever have thought I would have started a podcast sharing other girl’s stories and my own about recovery, but God knew, and He took a person like me, a weak person, and He is making something beautiful.
He does make everything beautiful in His time.
And my recovery story of 10 years is a testimony to that.
‘All I have needed thy hand hath provided.
Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.’
Shoutouts to some of my recovery warrior blogger friends who have been huge encouragements in different stages of this journey:
and to others who have virtually counseled me and so many others through their blogs about food freedom, intuitive eating, living, running, and so much more when it comes to recovery.
I can say that
BY GOD’S Grace I am free. I am free. I am freer than ever before, and you can be too.
Seek the Lord and He will rescue you and deliver you out of ALL your fears.
What is your recovery story? How many years have you been in recovery?